Making the Rounds

Good day everyone. I would like to add another feature to this column, called "Makin' the Rounds". I receive a fair amount of anonymously authored, but strikingly on-point political humor via email circulation. I would like to highlight some of the best stuff here. Forewarning: I am an unapologetic liberal progressive and make no claims to being "fair and balanced" with regard to editorial humor. I also take no responsibility for the truthfulness of the comments contained within--I am merely reprinting items that find their way into my inbox (though I do not intend to reprint anything that defames or libels anyone).

Links to existing material on the internet will be added to the permanent link list on the right. I realize that some "anonymous" pieces are often lifted off of other sites and circulated without attribution. If that happens to your material, and you see it here, please don't call your lawyer, or take offense--just let me know, and if I can verify your site as the source, I'll be happy to credit you and link to your site, or take it down if you prefer.

So, without further ado, here is the first edition of "Making the Rounds", sent to me by a fellow blogger and campaign volunteer via email:

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Installing elections is vital to Iraq’s national security and promotes democracy. Postponing elections here in America is vital to our own.national security and protects our own democracy.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Lowered Expectations

Maybe being from New York City, I somehow perceive the economy differently from everyone else in the country—but I doubt it. The race seems to be on to lower expectations for this President prior to his re-election campaign, and we seem to be falling for it all over again.

How hard was it to see that this President presided over the worst job loss record in American history since Herbert Hoover? This while arm-twisting through tax cuts for the wealthy that drained the last vestiges of health from dozens of essential support programs for the needy.

Now that the economy is turning around—according to the Labor Department, the net job loss figure is down from 2.6 million to 1.1 million jobs—Bush wants to take credit for turning a corner that never should have been there in the first place.

Personally, I don’t see this improvement in the economy. My perception is that my neighbors suffered an increase of 25% to their cost of living almost overnight and wages and salaries are stagnating. Everything basic to living here has gone up drastically, subway fares, property taxes, insurance, food, clothing, electricity, health care—and that doesn’t include the recent flirtation with the $3 gallon of gas. So, even if you aren’t one of those 1.1 million who lost a job without a replacement, you are still hurting.

If you happen to be one of the other 1.5 million who lost a job and found another, chances are, you are making $9,000 less a year than you were before. Break out those party hats, folks. Aren’t you glad you got that $300 rebate to tide you over during those two years you were unemployed?

And the Bush team is arguing that this is good news. Why does he get to throw away two and a half years of bad economic news, while simultaneously using it as a baseline for measuring success? 1.1 million lost jobs ain’t chicken feed, and without the social support programs that the government used to pay for, those unemployed folks are leaning on their families, their churches, shelters, whomever, just to survive. That’s a drag on everyone else’s economy too.

Even if the job numbers even out tomorrow, I still think that this is the wrong measure to be using here. If you spent two months, or two years out of work, you know that it’s going to take you another two to get back to where you were before—assuming you are making a salary that’s on par with what you had before. To get to the growing economy we had shortly before the Bushies started talking down the economy (yes, that’s right, they started talking it down, BEFORE they got into office, knowing that the wealth distribution that was about to take place would displace jobs, they wanted to be able to blame Clinton for the downturn), we are going to need another two and a half years of forward growth. Can we really afford to wait for Bush to make it happen?